Pictures from Katy's Baptism

Aunt Jan and Uncle Duane - we love them so much!!!!

















These fun pictures were taken on August 7th and 8th! I am so proud of you Katybug! Your decision to be baptized will bless you throughout your life! Love - Mom

P.S. I also needed to note that Katy got another fun gift that I wanted to make sure I mentioned. We are HORRIBLE about checking our mail but when we did she had a cute card and fun baptism book from her Grandpa and Grandma Great Hawker! Thanks Grandma - you are amazing and we love you tons!!! She also got a card from her Grandma and Grandpa Great Myler with $5. Boy that girl is one spoiled and lucky thing that has so many people that love her dearly! I hope she knows how blessed she truly is!!!

Katy's Baptism

I don't know how to even put into words the events of today! I can guarantee the words I do use are going to be many because today has been Spiritual, amazing, outstanding and terrific.

Today Katy was baptized.

Katy has been and will always be an amazing example. She is born a little missionary. Today she talked to her cousins that have not been baptized (either by choice or due to age) and made sure to ask each of them to think about doing it.

The day started off totally chaotic! The people to open the church and start the font never showed up!!! So at 8:00 this morning I was frantically calling around trying to find and get in touch with someone who could help us. I finally was able to get in touch with President Walker and he drove over and opened up the church for us. Ben stayed at the church while the font was filled.

Once the font was filled Ben headed home where I was trying to bake cinnamon rolls, frost cinnamon rolls, get myself ready, get Katy ready, get Elyse ready, make sure all the milks were in the cooler and all the baptism stuff put in a pile to be loaded into the car once Ben got here. It was CRAZY!!

As we loaded up the car and drove the LONG way to the Stake Center (the quickest and fastest way was BLOCKED due to Midvale Harvest Days Parade) I was frazzled. I said a quick, silent prayer asking for me to have peace and help bring the Spirit and the peace that comes with the comforter.

When we got to the church I was SOOO grateful for the Spirit cause I would have burst into tears had I not had peace that it would be okay. We were doing a brunch before the baptism in the Stake Pavilion and the sprinklers were on DRENCHING that same place! I could NOT believe it. The Spirit brought peace and I simply told Ben and the girls we would go in and practice our song and come out in a few. It was only 9:30 and the Brunch was set to start at 10:00.

After practicing the song for a bit we went back out and water was still sprinkling around all except a few tables. People were starting to arrive and I had NO clue how I was going to feed the masses with no where to feed them. I made an executive decision and just started unloading the car full of food onto the few tables that were not getting drenched in water. I was so grateful for family members that were willing to laugh and roll with the punches as they dodged water sprays while filling their plate with food!

At about 10:45 I took Katy and Lyse into the church and changed Lyse into her dress and Katy into her baptismal suit. There are certain times as a mom that your heart is full...that was one of them! My heart was so full as I watched my girl walk around in her all white jump suit. What a HUGE day in her life this was.

The program was as follows:

Conducting: Brother Mike Peterson
Pianist: Sister Becca Staker
Chorister: Shaylece Smith

Opening Song: Army of Helaman
Opening Prayer: Shaylece Smith
Talk on Baptism: Debbie Hawker
Song: "A Child's Prayer" by Katy and Tauni Hawker (more on this later)
Talk on Holy Ghost: Launa Smith

Baptism of Katlynn Ivie Hawker by her dad Benjamin Dee Hawker
Witnesses: Kevin Whitear Smith & Duane Kummer

Primary Remarks by Becca Staker
Stake Primary Remarks by Karen Carin

Song: "I am a Child of God" by Katy, Elyse and their cousins

Bishopric Remarks by Bishop Grant Pullan

Closing Song: I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
Closing Prayer: Erin Sare

Katy was the one that made all the decisions in regards to who was doing what and when. The only thing that we changed was Bart was unable to be at the baptism and so we asked my uncle Duane if he would be a witness. Both Bret and Jason were there but we didn't want them to feel left out when one was asked and the other was not...so we just went the neutral ground! :) The other thing I changed was Katy wanted her cousins to sing "Army of Helaman". I agreed up until Friday when I realized that Katy didn't know the words that well which meant each of the other kids would also struggle. I decided to just switch the opening song of "I am a child of God" with "Army of Helaman"...all the kids know "I am a child of God".

The talk by Debbie was wonderful and she did a great job of talking about baptism and the importance of it all. Once she was done, it was Katy and my turn to sing. As we got up, I could sense that Katy was nervous. I told her to hold my hand and if she needed help with her part to just squeeze and it would be ok! I was the one that needed her help in the end! She sang like a pro and it was GORGEOUS. That girl has a voice and it is beautiful!!! When it came to my part to sing I BARELY got the words "Pray He is there, Speak He" and I just lost it. I couldn't sing anymore. I tried but I was overcome with emotion.

I wish I could say what emotion it was exactly I just felt so many. My baby was being baptized, my baby had just sang beautifully, my baby was picking up and singing where I was struggling. All those things played a HUGE part. Another part was the Spirit. The Spirit was so strong! As I looked out on all the people in our lives that we love so much and their eyes were filled with tears, I lost it again completely! I tried to pull it together for the 3rd verse in which Katy sang "Heavenly Father are you Really there?" While I sang, "Pray He is there" but I just couldn't do it. My mom, sister and Ben all stepped in and helped. What amazing, supportive family I have!! Katy sang like I pro and I bawled like a baby while squeezing her hand.

Even while I write this I feel those emotions and I remember the Spirit. I KNOW our Father in Heaven was so proud of Katy and her decision to be baptized. The Spirit testified of that!

When I asked Ben to describe his experience while we were singing and his perspective on the baptism as a whole, he said,
"I don't know. It was pretty Spiritual. Katy was really cute with it. Katy was trying really hard but she made a couple mistake. She would forget where she was at and the only times you were able to get words out was when you were prompting her (this was during the 3rd verse). While baptizing her I was trying to get the words right (in English) and not translate them to Portuguese. It was a great experience. It was very special and it was touching. She was excited about it which made it a greater experience for me. I don't know but I felt a lot of love for that little girl."

After Katy was baptized I took her back into the dressing room and got her out of the cold, wet clothes (the font got cold fast I guess). Katy was freezing so I fixed her hair a bit while she was wrapped in the HUGE white towel my mom had given her. I got her dressed in her beautiful butterfly dress and then I gave her the special baptism necklace that Ben and I had purchased for her a few days before. She loved the necklace and put it on immediately.

We walked out and finished the program. All the cousins singing, "I am a child of God" was beautiful and touching! What sweet kids that I love with all my heart! Becca Staker got choked up as she mentioned the Spirit she had felt that day and how grateful she was to have felt that Spirit. She said 2 very specific times were: when Katy and I were singing and then when Katy was baptized. I would have to agree 100% with her on both of those! Those were the 2 times I felt the Spirit the VERY strongest...testifying to me the truthfulness of the gospel and the Happiness our Father in Heaven felt in the decisions Katy was and is making.

Bishop Pullan said a couple things about how wonderful Katy was. He challenged her to write down the day and to try and read her scriptures daily and then the meeting closed. It was VERY touching and very Spiritual. What a beautiful girl my Father in Heaven has blessed me with!

The hardest part of the day for me was balancing family, friends and helping Katy balance out the same! Everyone being there for my special girl and trying to make them all feel loved and welcome was more of a challenge than I originally thought it would be. I hope they all know how much I appreciate and love them! Today would not have been the same if we had not had such amazing family and friends to share it with!

Here is a list of all the people that came today: Ben (Dad), Tauni (Mom), Elyse, Grandpa Kevin Smith, Grandma Launa Smith, Grandma Debbie Hawker, Aunt Shay, Uncle Bret, Aunt Nat, Addison, Aunt Nanner (Jana), Uncle Darin, Brooklyn, Dustin, Uncle Jason, Aunt Hazel, Keira, Aunt Ethney, Kellie, Spencer, Isaac, Eric, Aunt Erin, Uncle Tony, Ethan, Oakley, Aunt Jan Kummer, Uncle Duane Kummer, Aunt LeAnn Smith, Andrea Brown, Andrew Brown, Hadley Brown, Audrey Jacobsen, Becca Staker, Morgan Staker, Karen Carin (stake primary pres.), Bro. Mike Peterson, Tami Peterson, Tanner Peterson, Alex Peterson, Sophie Peterson, Peyton Peterson, Bishop Grant Pullan and I know a couple more people snuck in but that was all I was able to get down on paper!

Katy was blessed with many gifts from many of the people. She got: a porcelain girl praying (Bret, Nat and Addie); $5 and a card (Aunt Jan and Uncle Duane); a necklace, bracelet, $40 and a book (Aunt LeAnn); A Jenny Phillips Book and CD (Audrey Jacobsen); Book of Mormon with picture from day of baptism (Karen Carin, stake Primary); CTR ring with birthstone (Grandma and Grandpa Smith); CTR ring, journal and Primary Song Book (Jason, Hazel and Keira) and then of course the necklace from Ben and I. Aunt LeAnn gave the same necklace so Katy went an exchanged the necklace from LeAnn for a mustard seed necklace (a mustard seed inside a glass/plastic casing put on a necklace). I am only writing what she got because I want to have a record of WHY these items are important! Katy is surrounded by people that LOVE and ADORE her! What a HUGE blessing she has been in so many lives, not just ours! I hope and pray she will always be the amazing example she has been thus far in her life!

Today Katy said after her baptism, "You know that feeling inside when you feel like you are going to cry but it isn't cause you are sad at all? I have that feeling today!" I think she summed it up perfectly!!!

And last but not least, an "I told you so" moment for me and overall just funny experience from the day. Ben mentioned he wished he had remembered to bring DRY garments for after. See the night before I asked him to put all his stuff he was taking in the pile with all the other clothes. He said no he would just get it in the morning to which I said I was afraid we would forget important stuff if we didn't get them in the pile. He was tired and so instead we went to bed and put off getting his stuff for the morning. Well as I mentioned above our morning was CRAZY - I didn't have time to even think about Ben's clothes so he grabbed everything as we ran out to the car...I figured it was all there. It wasn't! After baptizing Katy he wringed dry his garments and put back on the cold, wet ones. Poor guy...never did say I told you so - just didn't feel right at the time...HOWEVER totally gonna say it now ;)

Answered Prayers

Over and over lately I have gotten the feeling that I need to listen and have more faith in my promptings.

The Problem: I don't know what I am hearing!

I honestly do not know what I need to be listening to or what prompting I need to follow.

I asked Ben for a blessing. I have some health issues as well as my anxiety over everything going on.

In the blessing I was blessed to have Faith in the plan our Father in Heaven has for me. The problem is I don't know if there is the a new plan or if it is the original plan! I must say there is a gut feeling that says it is the original plan...I just need to be strong and have faith.

The other thing I was more told than blessed with is that my Father in Heaven was ALWAYS there for me, ready and waiting to assist me. It wasn't said but I felt as though I just needed to ask. I thought I had been asking but the way I was told made me realize I can't just cry HELP in my prayers and expect a full plan to be laid out before me. I need to take my life, dissect and observe then ask for help where it needs to be.

I realized that even more yesterday. I had $460. I had $960 in bills to figure out how to pay. Ben was beside himself. I was beside myself. Through our situation, I have tried DESPERATELY to not ask for helping paying our bills. I have tried and mostly succeeded in finding a way to take care of it all ourselves.

I was sick. Literally sick from the thought of actually having to go ask for money. I don't want to put someone else out. As we were driving in the car to pay the bills my heart was sinking; it sunk faster and faster as I watched Ben in despair as well. I offered a quick, quiet, VERY sincere and too the point prayer asking my Father in Heaven to PLEASE help me figure out a way to pay everything.

My bills all were paid and taken care of. I am walking away with $20 from the $460.

I can STRONGLY attest it was my prayer, it was my Father in Heaven; it was MY miracle!

As Ben finished up my blessing, my thoughts returned to my prayer from yesterday. I thought of how Heavenly Father had told me through the power of the priesthood that He was standing, waiting and willing to offer assistance to me.

My heart is full. I KNOW our Father in Heaven lives. I KNOW He watches over us. He is ready, willing and waiting...we just have to go to him with our precise problems. Every small thing is seen by Him. He is aware but just wants us to be aware and willing to ask!

I learned a lesson today! Just like I would have to ask my earthly father or father-in-law if we needed help, I need to ask my Heavenly Father. I can't go to my dad and say, "I need help." He would need me to tell him what I need help with, I would have to open up to him. Honestly, praying for specific things has been treated the same by me as going to my dad and saying, "I need help paying my mortgage". Although I must say - it is in MANY ways much easier!

I can't use the blanket statement of "we need help" any longer. Stating in prayers, "You know our situation. You know we need help. Please help us." Is NOT enough. I need to ponder and pray specifically and just like yesterday he will pour out the blessings from Heaven and respond to me. I need to be willing to pour out my soul and not just say, "You know what is going on, we need help". He wants me to counsel with him. I need that counsel with him.

I am soooo grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me! I am so grateful to know he is aware of me and my situation. I am grateful I get to pray to him.

Being more specific and focused in prayers is my goal. Ponder, specify and listen along with the kneeling and praying are needed.

Honestly I can say (even with everything going on in our lives)...Life is Good!

I Love My Calling!

Primary is THE. BEST. CALLING. EVER! I mean seriously...there is no other calling in the church in which you have innocent, amazing comments that just stun, amaze and bring tears from laughter!

Today was just one of those days!

First:

During singing time the chorister, Sister Purdie, asked the children "What did Jesus do?". The first response we all heard was, "He got screwed" we all blinked and Sister Purdie looked a bit like Deer in the Headlights. Sister Purdie responded, "He what?!?" and once again the presidency in the back hears the child's response, "He got screwed". All the Presidency is now FULLY curious in WHO was saying this as understanding crossed all our minds and Sister Purdie said, "Oh you mean the nails? He was crucified." "Uh YA!" was the response...like what else would I mean.

The presidency in the back as well as the teachers and pianist were all laughing so hard tears were streaming from our eyes! We then questioned WHO had said the comment. I let that go as I walked to the front to teach sharing time.

The lesson was going well and our sweet, ACTIVE, you can't change me and get me to conform Alexis stands up and walks up to me. I am rather used to this and continued the lesson. As I did this she grabbed my dressed and FLASHED the entire Primary. I grabbed my skirt back down and just stood there. I was blushing beet red, laughing from lack of knowing what to do and honestly just completely shocked. I kept looking at Brother Jensen thinking, "PLEASE oh PLEASE don't have been paying attention in that brief moment!"

I was also VERY thankful for garments and that they cover so well! I was even more grateful that I have lost weight. 1 year ago I didn't wear just below the knee dresses but if I had I would have been EXTREMELY mortified at the situation. I was glad I could just laugh it off!

After Sharing time was over, the Primary President walked up to me and said, "By the way, I thought I would let you know...Lyse was the one who made those comments!" Great! It was MY child!!

Now for the last bit...weight! Today was a momentous occasion in regards to my weight. This morning I stepped on the Wii Fit. I honestly didn't think I had lost much so when I saw the weight that had dropped off, I was in shock and awe!

I have now officially lost more weight than I currently weigh! My weight this morning was 149.5! I am sooo super de duper excited. I had the surgery 1 year ago on July 1st so in 1 year I have lost 150.4 pounds!

And the last announcement: I purchased a new pair of capris...since I only had 1 pair of pants that truly fit me. I grabbed to sizes...one was the hopeful, one was what I thought was the accurate. I was wrong! My hopeful jeans fit me PERFECTLY...and every pair of jeans I tried on were all the same size: size 8!

It honestly feels so great. I feel like me again. I am soooo grateful for the wonderful AMAZING blessing the Lord blessed me with in having my surgery. Even Ben commented the other day that I am more like the woman he married in the beginning: carefree, fun and outgoing. I like being that person a LOT more! I would also hope he could add that I understand life a bit more, I am a little less judgmental and I try harder to be the person Heavenly Father and Christ wants me to be. I know this may sound horrible and bad but honestly with my weight, I lost sight of a lot of that. My weight depressed and drag me down so I was so unhappy that I didn't have the capacity to feel the Spirit as I do now. I am SOOO Grateful for the change!! I am grateful that I can more easily express how I feel on the inside outwardly...and that helps me to feel even better on the inside.

My life is TRULY blessed!

P.S. I know several readers of my blog know me in real life. I know some are family, friends, ward members, etc. I know I talk about my gastric bypass on here a lot and I am NOT embarrassed by it...but I still struggle with it in "the open", the real world. I honestly fear that some are reading this than talking behind my back about it. I still fear those around judge. I can logically see it doesn't but I do get scared and afraid you think I am horrid and stupid for my choice. Please know that if you start to talk to me about it, I am not ignoring you! I am just trying to get used to the fact that my fears are much worse than reality! Thanks Love ya all!!

$8 lesson from a child

Today I had one of those moments that as a mother you are grateful you taught your child the correct principles and are furious that they are using them on you!

We were at the bank. I am pooling our money together so I can see where we stand...let me just say it was less than thrilling!

While standing in line to close our savings account at Cyprus Credit Union, Ben turns to me and says, "By the way, our business checking is going to cost $8/month." It was not the time nor the place to tell me this.

I lost it! I am not proud that I did but I lost it. $8 isn't much but honestly it is!!! We don't have money. I told Ben that, pretty much in those exact words but in not so nice of tone. I was NOT intending on being upset it was just REALLY REALLY REALLY bad timing! I had a MILLION things on my brain like, "Where am I going to come up with August Mortgage payment...I figured out June and July but savings is running low and I am not sure we will have the money for a full payment in August" and "Car payment is still due and I still have to get the car registered this month" or the all time favorite "I still have car insurance, utilities and gas to figure out for July...crap savings will be gone before August house payment is due".

So while these pleasant thoughts ran through my brain, Ben brings up the $8/month for a checking account for the business. I understand the business needs a good bank for processing payments...heck we have a $1650 check coming to us and we have to turn around and send money back out from that check. You have to have a checking account in order to do that. I get it...I really do! This is in no way Ben's fault...other than crappy timing.

So as we walked out of the bank, I was in tears. Ben was mad at me and hurt for getting upset in the bank. The tension was thick.

That is when my sweet Elyse turned to me and said, "Mom, when you got upset with Dad, I lost the Spirit. I think we need to say a prayer and ask for the Spirit to come back."

The sweet lesson that I so often try to instill in them when they fight was thrown in my face. I did NOT like it but at the same time knew I needed to be humble and know she was in the right.

I agreed and Lyse offered up a sweet, simple prayer. She said, "Heavenly Father. We thank thee for this day. We are sorry and ask thee to please send the Spirit back to us." As she said those words and I said Amen, the Spirit chastised me greatly for losing it over $8 and then love filled my heart. The Spirit was back and peace overcame me.

I KNOW that we will be ok. While I still think we should have gotten a free checking, I can understand Ben's reasoning behind the larger bank. I completely understand why Ben was hurt over my freak out moment in the bank. I just hope he understand WHY I had that freak out moment and it would have been a MUCH better thing to inform me of this once home...not while in another bank emptying savings to try and see how much liquid assets we truly had.

I love my husband...I hope he knows that. He truly is amazing, kind and remarkable. He loves me unconditionally and is always willing to forgive me of my faults. I can never thank him enough for that!

To end on a happy note, nothing says Summer better than kids enjoying homemade ice cream!!!


YUM!!!

Priesthood Power

I am so grateful for living Prophets and Apostles! I can not name the number of times over the last 6 months in which I have read or heard a full or part of a talk by one of those GREAT men in which the talk was written for ME! I swear to you...I think Heavenly Father had me in mind when helping them prepare their talks!

I am so grateful for the Priesthood and having that here on this earth! To have a living prophet here on this earth, to have apostles...all these things are amazing blessings that are so EASY to take advantage of!

I know that my Father in Heaven loves me! I know that He is watching over me! I can not even express in words (verbally or written) the Love, gratitude, appreciation, respect, etc. I have for my Father in Heaven!

When I look at the amazing men in my life: my husband, my father, my father in law, my bishop and all other church leaders...I see a glimpse of who Heavenly Father truly is! Each of these men are loving, caring, guiding and enduring. Each of these men have compassion. Each of these men hold the Priesthood of our Father in Heaven and use it with dignity.

I am so grateful to a Father in Heaven that allows me these "glimpses" of who He is and in turn shows me who I can become!

Trials are sooo hard but the blessings that come from them are so deep and rich that I could and would NEVER trade them (although I would like to add, I hope I have learned what I needed from this and can we please have the business provide the income we need now).