Over and over lately I have gotten the feeling that I need to listen and have more faith in my promptings.
The Problem: I don't know what I am hearing!
I honestly do not know what I need to be listening to or what prompting I need to follow.
I asked Ben for a blessing. I have some health issues as well as my anxiety over everything going on.
In the blessing I was blessed to have Faith in the plan our Father in Heaven has for me. The problem is I don't know if there is the a new plan or if it is the original plan! I must say there is a gut feeling that says it is the original plan...I just need to be strong and have faith.
The other thing I was more told than blessed with is that my Father in Heaven was ALWAYS there for me, ready and waiting to assist me. It wasn't said but I felt as though I just needed to ask. I thought I had been asking but the way I was told made me realize I can't just cry HELP in my prayers and expect a full plan to be laid out before me. I need to take my life, dissect and observe then ask for help where it needs to be.
I realized that even more yesterday. I had $460. I had $960 in bills to figure out how to pay. Ben was beside himself. I was beside myself. Through our situation, I have tried DESPERATELY to not ask for helping paying our bills. I have tried and mostly succeeded in finding a way to take care of it all ourselves.
I was sick. Literally sick from the thought of actually having to go ask for money. I don't want to put someone else out. As we were driving in the car to pay the bills my heart was sinking; it sunk faster and faster as I watched Ben in despair as well. I offered a quick, quiet, VERY sincere and too the point prayer asking my Father in Heaven to PLEASE help me figure out a way to pay everything.
My bills all were paid and taken care of. I am walking away with $20 from the $460.
I can STRONGLY attest it was my prayer, it was my Father in Heaven; it was MY miracle!
As Ben finished up my blessing, my thoughts returned to my prayer from yesterday. I thought of how Heavenly Father had told me through the power of the priesthood that He was standing, waiting and willing to offer assistance to me.
My heart is full. I KNOW our Father in Heaven lives. I KNOW He watches over us. He is ready, willing and waiting...we just have to go to him with our precise problems. Every small thing is seen by Him. He is aware but just wants us to be aware and willing to ask!
I learned a lesson today! Just like I would have to ask my earthly father or father-in-law if we needed help, I need to ask my Heavenly Father. I can't go to my dad and say, "I need help." He would need me to tell him what I need help with, I would have to open up to him. Honestly, praying for specific things has been treated the same by me as going to my dad and saying, "I need help paying my mortgage". Although I must say - it is in MANY ways much easier!
I can't use the blanket statement of "we need help" any longer. Stating in prayers, "You know our situation. You know we need help. Please help us." Is NOT enough. I need to ponder and pray specifically and just like yesterday he will pour out the blessings from Heaven and respond to me. I need to be willing to pour out my soul and not just say, "You know what is going on, we need help". He wants me to counsel with him. I need that counsel with him.
I am soooo grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me! I am so grateful to know he is aware of me and my situation. I am grateful I get to pray to him.
Being more specific and focused in prayers is my goal. Ponder, specify and listen along with the kneeling and praying are needed.
Honestly I can say (even with everything going on in our lives)...Life is Good!