Sunday, November 28, 2010

The random ramblings of a sleep deprived woman that needs to just let it out!

This week is a HUGE week for our family. It has big milestones from the struggles over this last year.

1. Ben starts his new job on Tuesday. It is such a HUGE relief. I feel so blessed. I know that our Father in Heaven has been watching out and caring for us! I am so grateful for our many many MANY blessings over this last year. It constantly amazes me that Ben applied for HUNDREDS of jobs over the last 11 months. The first job he interviewed at in those 11 months was with this company. He was offered the job 3 days after I started mine! It just reaffirms to me that our Father in Heaven has a reason for me to be working (even if I don't understand it at times).

2. I finally get to move HOME! I am so freaking absolutely jumping for joy excited to finally be able to work from home. It has been really hard working away from home the last almost 2 months. I am so grateful that the time is finally here and I am finally going to have a 30 second commute walking up the stairs! I have to work from the center 1 day this week and then I take my home class and from there on out it is at home baby!

With such huge milestones in our family life, I know I should have much more gratitude than I do but I find myself grieving in many ways. I grieve the stay at home mom life lost. I grieve those days that I had with my best friend all day long. While I see and feel so many blessings (and I am HUGELY grateful for them don't get me wrong) I am struggling. Ben now works M-F and I work Sat-Tues. We no longer will have an entire day in which we are both home together. I had a VERY wise friend tell me, "Enjoy the time while he is there cause it will change and you WILL miss it." At the time I thought, "Uh no...I want him to have a job and us not to have to worry" but now I can see her wisdom and I wish I had cherished that time a bit more!

Due to my struggles with really focusing on the gratitude and happiness I have decided I am going to try my darndest to see the good in things each day. Today I am grateful that I was able to trade away work and be home and at church with my family. That is a HUGE blessing. I am grateful that I was able to partake of the sacrament and the Spirit.

My brain and heart have been so full. It is disheartening to see my hard work and sacrifice of leaving for work and then coming home to us still struggling to just get by. Then I look at our blessings. I KNOW the Lord will bless us. He has blessed us so abundantly over the last year that I can't even express my gratitude for it all. Christmas is going to be meager but I am coming to terms with that. As long as each of my beautiful girls and amazing husband get a couple presents under the tree (and by couple I literally mean 2) and as long as I can get Santa to come with at least 1 item from the girls lists...Christmas will be a success!

My desire for a house is still strong. Each time I walk into a store I want to purchase so much then I stop and think, "what is the long term goal?" and I walk out with only the intended items. I know it may take a year or two to dig out of our pit but I also know that we can and will build up savings again. I see the blessings of Ben and my job allowing us that opportunity to save up for a house. I truly feel that as Ben and I sacrifice wants and get rid of debt and build up savings, the Lord will bless our hard work and dedication and we will get our dream of owning a home.

Our dream of a home is honestly one of the hardest dreams for me but I honestly feel that our Father in Heaven is guiding us. There IS a reason for us being where we are at. We are meant to be in our condo right now.

I am grateful for my blog. Today was hard as I kept thinking of wishes and dreams of a home and as I have typed this all out and shared my feelings I feel happier and uplifted. I can feel that my Heavenly Father is here and watching out for us. He wants what is best for us in the long run not just the here and now. He has a lot broader view than my narrow eyes and mind can see and for that I am so grateful.

My life is blessed! My family is safe and we have a warm home to sleep in. We have made it through 11 months of unemployment (and technically we knew on Dec. 7 of last year that Ben was going to loose his the stress started almost 1 year ago). We have beautiful strong daughters that love their Heavenly Father. I want to be the loving, kind mom I know I can and should be always so that they will grow into the kind of woman they have the potential to!

I need to also say how grateful I am for sisters. I have the BEST sisters in the world. Jana is always watching out and caring for us. I don't know how she knows it or does it but she does. It constantly amazes me that when I say a prayer asking for help she is the one that shows up giving it. Her generosity is something that will NEVER be forgotten. I am so grateful that I have a Father in Heaven that blessed my life with sisters! Now don't get me wrong, I have awesome brothers too but there is just something about sisters!

I am grateful for a Savior and His choice to come to the earth and live a perfect life for me. I am grateful for the Christmas season and getting to celebrate his life. I am grateful for Christmas and the Spirit of giving. I hope and pray I can keep that spirit this year!

I feel better...thanks for letting me ramble!

Oh and more than ever right now I need accountability with weight. Oh my how it has been a struggle. I started Jetblue weighing 134 lbs...I am currently at 140 lbs. With the holidays here in full force I am going to fight this battle so that my new years doesn't bring 15 more pounds with it!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Christmas in November Pictures

The 2 people above were a GREAT reason for our amazing little get away! Thanks Dad and Mom!!! We love you to the Sun and moon and stars!!!!

All the pictures are in reverse order so you get to see our Friday morning airport, then the girls at Build a Bear in Downtown Disney on Thursday night and the beach earlier that day. Then of course our Wonderful day in Disney on Wednesday :) Lots of pictures but we took lots of such a fun little trip!!!