Monday, March 15, 2010

Time Changes kill me!

On top of being sick for the last several day...we had the time change!


That is what I have to say about time change! It has totally messed with EVERYONE and their attitudes. Lyse is whining all the time cause her sleep schedule follows the sun (even if I put her to bed early). Lyse has been up early even from before the time change cause the sun was up earlier. I am hoping the getting to bed early will help but right now I want to cry and scream.

Katy doesn't want to get out of bed (surprise surprise...a girl after her mom's heart). Katy complained about having to go to bed when she "wasn't tired" and complained about having to get up cause she was "too tired". Can't win with that one :)

Ben just always needs more sleep. He is a night owl but also a morning person. He always says that sleep is a waste. Add no job and can stay up late to the time change making staying up late have a man that need a nap desperately.

Now my turn. I am pmsing, tired, sick and just really want to climb into my bed. Truth be told I can't though. I can't nap anymore cause I feel like it is a waste. I am sooooo tired though! My eyes want to close and not open for a long long time. My eye lids are heavy.

I am blaming the heaviness of my whole body on the time change...not the cold that I am pretty sure has moved to a sinus infections. The constant pressure in my head, ears and eyes is all do to the time change! I will keep saying that until I believe it. I don't have insurance...I can't get sick enough to need a doctor!

I have a post (with pictures) about what happens to a mom when she gets sick. The problem is I want to show a picture of my house all nice and clean but I haven't been able to get it there completely. I honestly am still feeling like crap! I get up to do something and my head hurts, my eyes feel even heavier and I feel like I am going to black out.

I am not going to say my house being dirty, me and my family being tired and me feeling like crap is cause I am sick...that is just a lame excuse. Stupid time change...screws up everything!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Mommy Moment

Today I had a great mommy moment. I got to do a VIP for my little Lyse. She is amazing! I love her more than anything and so getting to do a special poster just about her was WONDERFUL!

I often forget to see all the wonder, amazement and love that I have for my children. I focus on the day to day. I focus on the chores that need done, the homework that needs finished. Yes I bask in my love for them as they laugh and giggle. I revel in hearing complete joy in their voice and watching them dance with a child's joy.

I love my children...I truly do; however, I noticed that I too often overlook and don't get to see who my children truly are. It worries me that I have to think for a minute about personal character traits and seconds to tell of things that have happened in their life. I know being able to say important life events is important but the person coming from those events is so much more important.

Am I truly getting to know that person? Do I know what they are saying and who they are really becoming. Lately I have really worried that I am not seeing them, that I don't know the person coming from the events.

How can a good mother do that? This makes me seriously question my mothering and nuturing skills.

This next part is for me...what I need to type! I need to share what I see in my children, who they are becoming...not the events they are living!

My Elyse loves to give hugs. She loves to give kisses. She loves to show her love to others in any way she can. She adores family. Elyse loves animals and always has. Elyse has a huge passion for life. She loves surprising us by doing a chore all by herself then showing us it is done. The other day she cleaned her room entirely on her own...without any help or nudging from me or Ben. Elyse has so much love to give to not only herself but others! Listen to her for a day and you will see the love! The other day while giving my mom a hug she said, "Grandma why does it just feel so good when I hug you?" My heart melts thinking of that. My mom, my daughter...the immense love they share so that even a hug feels "so good"!

Elyse has immense faith and love for her Father in Heaven. I often wish I could have her faith. Her prayers are so thoughtful, so heartfelt. She always prays for others and she truly is concerned over them and how they are doing. Elyse loves to sing and often you will hear her burst into song...lately the favorite is "Child's Prayer" from the primary song book. She sings, "Heavenly Father are you really there and do you hear and answer every child's prayer" and I feel the Spirit come over me so strongly...yes, yes he does! He hears my prayers but I know He has to hear hers even more...based solely on her faith. If you want a prayer truly answered...Have Lyse offer the prayer. She seems to know what to ask and how to ask it in a way that when the prayer is answered you KNOW! Elyse has a love for her sister and wants to be like her. I am so grateful she has great role models.

Elyse is stubborn and I love that so much about her!

There is so much to Lyse it is hard to name it all. She is my ying and and cold. One minute she can laugh until everyone is laughing...the next she can cry until she has everyone wanting to cry! What can I say, she is a great leader of emotions!


My Katy has joy in living. She is happy to be alive. She finds joy in the journey. Katy's happiness and joy in life is contagious. I love seeing her skip, laugh and just enjoy life!

Katy is a natural tease. Her dad helped instill her with the first bit of it and she just thrived and grew with it! She can instantly she a tease and follow pursuit in the same. At times she will tease me back and I am much slower in catching the teasing unfortunately. I love that she has a sense of humor and knows how to laugh!

Katy is an amazing friend, sister, daughter, person. She thinks of others always. She has a tender spot to see needs and try to help with those needs. Her heart is always seeing others and thinking of them. Katy would NEVER intentionally hurt someone...she loves them too much (even if they are a stranger)!

Katy is a dancer and great at it! Katy excels in wanting to be healthy. She wants to eat healthy, she want to get exercise...she wants to treat her body the way everyone should treat theirs - eating treats occasionally, eating healthy fruits and veggies all the time! Many times I have to tell her she can't eat more veggies, she needs to eat some meat and carbs! How many parents have to tell their children that?!?

Katy has a STRONG desire to do what is right. If she knows it is right she tries until she just honestly can't anymore to do the right thing. I am so grateful for her strong moral compass that many times has put me back on the straight and narrow path. Katy's life and Spirit shine so strong. I am grateful to a Father in Heaven that has given me a child so spiritually strong. She is ages older than me in Spirit!


thank you for allowing me this mommy moment. I needed it. I will add more I am sure but for now I am tired. My throat is BURNING and the medicine has kicked in enough to exhaust me but not take away the pain! Gotta love that!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sorry to keep a negative post up for so long. Things have gotten much better and my outlook on life is much brighter (unless you count the floors that need mopped...with that I have a very, very dark outlook on life). I HATE HATE HATE mopping floors.

On a brighter side, I love to cook and today I get to do that. My bananas are all brown and nasty...perfect for delicious banana bread! I have already made the buttermilk substitute (vinegar and skim milk...much less fat and same great taste). I have the recipe sitting on the counter next to the butter that is thawing and bananas that are nastily ripe.

Why am I here typing instead of making the delicious bread that is a family favorite? I made myself promise I wouldn't do any fun baking until the nasty floors are mopped :( I hate keeping promises to myself!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Negative thoughts about how I just suck and my life is in shambles and I just can't do know the normal "mom guilt" adding "YOU SUCK!"

Today is one of those days I want to just die to get away from it all. Even climbing back in bed and pulling the covers over my head isn't enough today.

I am sad. I am angry. I am tired of always trying to help others and it not being recognized. I am tired of showing love and then being told I don't show love. I am tired of trying my hardest to do what is right only to have it slap me in the face and say, "YOU SUCK".

I want to bake, cook and finish projects all at once but I am too depressed to do any of it. I want to shower but don't want to put in the effort to go up the stairs.

I feel so desperately alone in this world and it is not a very nice world to be alone in!

Unemployment sucks. I should actually phrase that like this, "Unemployment in and of itself doesn't suck as long as you have the money to sustain yourself, i.e. a trust fund baby. Unemployment for those that were already struggling each month to survive is a whole different story. Unemployment when you find out about bills makes your heart wrench. Unemployment destroys self esteems. Unemployment changes people, makes them more negative, more cynical, more aggressive, more mean. Unemployment makes life harder to live, a struggle. Unemployment can destroy lives, marriages and families."

Yes I know all those things are choices. I know that no one has to be a jerk just cause they lost their job. I know that no one has to be negative or cynical even in the worst of circumstances. However, as time drags on in the unemployment world, it is easy to become those things. I hate that unemployment changes people I love and makes them sad, angry, depressed and all things negative. I am trying so hard to fill my life with positives only to have the negatives thrown in my face like a monkey throws feces. No I am not just talking about my husband or myself when I say all these things. Unemployment has affect the entire family.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

"I" built an in-wall bookcase

I came up with this AMAZING idea for the girls room.

They had a blank wall that no piece of furniture can be placed on it due to depth of furniture and location of the wall. I have hated it. In the past I have put furniture in this small place but in the end move it due to it making me feel claustrophobic.

My mind is always working on ideas and I finally came up with one that worked for that wall. An in-wall bookcase. It solved the problem of books with no place to put them as well as practicality of the wall space. Due to the bookcase being in the wall, the space taken is minimal.

I was so excited. So enthused. My husband not so much! I set to work and told him, "Don't worry love, I will do it all".

This is the pictures of me doing it:

Don't I look cute, worn out and tired from all that work?!?! I thought so too!!

Thanks for making this Love!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


I often love bittersweet things...for example chocolate. I LOVE bittersweet chocolate. It is the bees knees icing on my cake!

Life always has bittersweet moments. I seem to be having a lot of them lately.

Ben being home is VERY bittersweet. I LOVE having him home with me. I love that we get to be attached at the hip and my best friend goes everywhere with me. The downfall - he isn't working! Living without an income is not going to be able to last forever.

Elyse's birthday in about 3 weeks is bittersweet. We have had almost 5 wonderful, amazing years with that girl! She is smart, funny, witty, coy and loving. She gives the bestest hugs in the entire world and her kisses melt your heart. So far this all sweet. The bitter - my BABY is turning 5! I remember anticipating her and then holding her in her first few moments of life. 5 years FLEW by! It is bitter that time goes so fast.

Katy is growing up too fast as well. She has a monumental birthday this year as well. This summer she will turn 8 and be baptized. BAPTIZED people! How did I get old enough to have a baby that is baptized? How did she grow so big? I remember being her I have a child that age! I love her love of life, her happiness that she so easily and readily shares. She is such an obedient, loving, gentle, caring child.

My children growing is VERY bittersweet!!!

I have been given so much sweetness in my life. A husband that I love and cherish. Children that I can't imagine life without. I have definitely been blessed with more sweet than bitter. As a wife and mom I am truly blessed!

Tonight we had another bittersweet moment. I know it is a blessing but I worry and am scared. For the last 3 years we have owned our Daewoo. It has always been a source of security to know we owned something full out. It was nice to know that someone couldn't come and take it away from us.

We have had to make some tough decisions since Ben lost his job. Today we sold the Daewoo. It will help financially. We need to keep a family vehicle and while the Daewoo TECHNICALLY would work as a family vehicle, it wasn't the practical choice. Getting rid of the Daewoo saves us money each month on insurance, it gives us cash also takes away that security. It was a very bittersweet moment in which I wanted to cry and jump for joy at the same time.

I hope and pray it was the best decision all the way around! I know our Father in Heaven lead and guided our family in this direction and that gives me even more peace. I will miss our little zip around car!

Audrey...I hope you love it!