Thursday, October 28, 2010

Halloween Dress Up

I love Halloween. I love the feel of the holiday (well the fun, cute side of it at least). I love the bright pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns. I love the joy the children have in dressing up as a princess, mermaid, cheerleader, super hero, car, favorite movie star or storybook characters.

As an adult I have a strong desire to join them...dress up along side the kids but I also have a large side of me that doesn't want to be embarrassed. Tomorrow we can dress up at work and I REALLY want to but I am scared I will be the only one dressed up.

We have a set of fairy wings. They fit and it would be simple but then I worry it will look half hearted. I consider putting a full fairy costume and then I worry that I will look silly. Can't win either way.

What about you? What are your thoughts on Adults dressing up on Halloween?

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Boy has it been a roller coaster but honestly this adventure is one that I keep asking to let me go for one more ride. Even with the hard times I am so grateful for what I have.

I have the most amazing husband. He loves me and I never doubt that. He makes me feel beautiful when I look my very worst. He is my match. I feel truly grateful every day to be blessed with such an amazing man! Ben's commitment to our family brings such joy to my heart. Ben is never afraid to take a moment to teach the girls and is always looking for opportunities to talk to them and teach them important things. The little thing will happen or be mentioned and without fail I watch as he turns it into something he can teach his daughters. I am so deeply grateful for his Spiritual leadership in our home as well as his fatherly leadership. He loves our girls and they KNOW it because it shows it daily.

My children bring me so much joy. I feel so blessed to be their mom. I learn from them daily.

Katy is growing up so fast. Friday she had a "late night stay over" at a friends house...basically like a sleep over but at 10 all the parents come and get the kids. I LOVE late night stay overs...not a fan of sleep overs. This next Friday she has a party at another friends house. I am watching her blossom and grow. She is turning into a little tween and while I LOVE it, my heart also aches and breaks. She is responsible. She tries hard to always do what she thinks and knows to be right. Katy has the biggest heart of any person I know. I watch her at least daily give up something she wants to keep peace. She is also a HUGE tease! Tonight we made cookies and took them to neighbors. Before we took them around, we each had a "sample". As Katy took a bite into her cookie she said, "Dad, this frosting is disgusting...the worst ever". I was shocked and looked over at her to see a sparkle in her eye and the biggest grin you could imagine on her face. She finds joy in all she does. She helps to show me that joy too! Man I love that girl.

Now Lyse...that girl gives me a run for my money. She is hot and cold. Some days I feel like I have finally got her down, I understand her a bit more and the next day she changes it all up (personally I think she does this just to show me who is really in charge). Lyse loves to play. Lately Lyse's testimony has grown so much. She is constantly talking to me about Jesus and Heavenly Father and how doing what they want is the very most important. She is quick to offer up the solution of saying a prayer. Speaking of prayers - hers are the best. You KNOW what is on her mind and what she is trying hard to achieve. She is so sincere. She thinks through situations and she finds the things she thinks need help...then she sincerely asks for help with that. Lyse is one that really thinks and ponders. I hope I can lead and guide her the way she needs.

Tonight Katy was saying the blessing on dinner and my phone started to ring. Katy quickly finished the prayer. As I got up to answer the phone Lyse said, "Mom you better hurry it could be Jesus calling us!" I busted up laughing as Ben told Lyse, "I don't think Jesus calls us on the phone". I seriously have not laughed that hard in AGES! Man that kid keeps us laughing around here!!!

Today as we were baking cookies the song "Vida La Viva" came on the radio. We all ran to the living room and started to dance. As I was dancing with my girls I was so happy. I am so grateful that I get these opportunities in life. I love dancing in the living room while laughing and giggling with my girls. I think that is the perfect Sunday afternoon adventure!!

Tonight I was reading my blog about our fun summer. I am so grateful I have this blog and that I have kept track of all our fun hiking adventures. Over the summer, we enjoyed so many fun filled adventures in the mountains. I miss my mountains. I miss not being able to hike in them. The last hike we went on was in the first of September and within a couple weeks hiking won't even be an option. Every time I have tried to put together a fun mountain retreat, something (usually weather) stops us. :( The hardest part of it all - the mountains are GORGEOUS with color right now! Seriously as we drive in the valley, we look at the mountains with awe for the beauty in splashes of color. A hike will happen this is time! I feel so blessed to live in such a beautiful valley. I am truly blessed to have had my life filled with fun adventures...adventures I get to take with my little family.

Circle of Life

Real fast I want to tell this story before I forget. We play "slug bug" in our car but we play it Brasilian style....the word slug bug in Portuguese is "Fusca". So when you see a slug bug you yell out "Fusca ..." and the color in Portuguese. Well since playing this game the girls have learned their colors in Portuguese - a big reason we started the game (Trying to help with the dual language thing) During this process, they have not only learned their colors in a foreign language, they also have fallen in love with Fuscas. Since we currently only own one car, Lyse one day asked Ben how much a Fusca cost. Ben told her a crappy one that was painted ugly would be cheap but a nice one would be expensive. My little Lyse is a thinker and since she knew her dad wouldn't drive a Fusca (cause it is a girl's car) she didn't say much more.

A couple days later while driving home from school, Lyse turned to Ben and said, "Dad we should buy a crappy Fusca. For MOMMY to drive. Then paint it not crappy." That little smarty pants took a few days to ponder and figure out just how she could manage to get the car she wanted, in the price range affordable and even how she could work around the "daddy won't drive a fusca" rule :)

Now onto the blog thoughts of the day. The forward above was thought about at the end of the blog post but it was too dang cute to put in the end :)

My dad and mom both grew up in homes where the fact that they had 1 car was still the norm. When I was younger, I remember only 1 car. I also recall the day we got 2 cars. It was a HUGE deal in our family. My mom and dad would both have a car to drive. As I got older the car numbers grew. My parents went from a 1 car family to at one point a 5 (possibly 6) car family! My parents are back down to a 3 car family. My in-laws are a 3 car family as well.

Ben and I - well we have been a 1 car family for a few months now. When Ben came home from his mission instead of purchasing a car, he paid for school and purchased an engagement ring. Since I owned a car we decided to have him use an extra car his parents had until we got married then we would make 1 car work. It did too. We lived in Holladay, I worked in West Jordan and Ben worked in West Valley. We managed to make the 1 car work between all of that. When I had Katy, I quit my job and Ben and I continued on with the 1 car. We got married in November of 2001 and we were SUPER excited in December of 2003 when we finally purchased a second vehicle.

Seriously, it was like HEAVEN not having to get up and load Katy in the car so that I could have a vehicle for the day. I miss those simple days though. The days when driving Ben to work and picking him up were part of my schedule. I still have dreams and think fond thoughts of our little black Nissan Altima!

Sharing a vehicle over the last 8, almost 9, months hasn't been too bad. Since I was a stay at home mom and Ben was out of work, the only thing we had to do was drive carpool and get kids to where they needed to be.

That simplicity is now soon to be gone as well. Ben has to be to work. I have to be to work. The kids have to get to school. Buses do not work in any of the cases! Once I am home we can work some things out. Seriously this has been a HUGE dilemma!

I got my work schedule this last week and I know I will be able to get the kids to school each morning. If Ben's schedule worked out I would even have time to get him to work and I could even pick him up..the problem is his schedule will vary. There will be days he has to be to work 3 hours before the kids have to be to school and others he has to be to work at the same time they have to be to school. Since the school and his work are 30 minutes apart in good traffic, and I will be driving in peak rush hour times, this is just not working! If it all comes together right, I would be spending 2 hours in the car in the morning, work for 6 then spend another hour in the car at night. thanks?!?

The other problem is I work during the hours of when I am supposed to pick up Lyse from school. I can't physically be 2 places at 1 time. I can't be picking Lyse up and answering the phone (although I wish I could). This is the one time I am realizing that working from home, while overall GREAT for our situation, also has draw backs! I thought it was hectic when I had to share 1 car and just drive Ben to work. I have no clue how I am going to spread myself thin enough to get all this done with 1 car.

Due to our situation, we are looking for a second vehicle. When I sat down and figured out the amount of gas I would go through to be chauffeuring everyone all over the valley, I realized we could make a car payment for about the same.

Now comes the decision time. What kind of car? Truck? Commuter? Take out a loan for a little nicer or hope to get by with a $1000 car? These are all the questions going through my brain.

I have been praying hard. We found one vehicle this week that fit EVERYTHING perfectly but I am concerned. I feel good and when I pray and really think of our whole situation it is like a no brainer. But and this is a HUGE BUT, I hate going in debt. I hate adding anything else to what we already have. Car payment, gas, insurance, maintenance...that will all add up. Will we really save purchasing a second car? I mean yes my time is valuable but if you are shorter on cash than make the time work.

I am soooo split on this whole thing. Ok well not so split. I actually really want to just buy the vehicle. I feel good about it. I am concerned about having to get a loan for it. Not a lot of places love handing over money to people that were unemployed for 11 months. Even with good credit scores they want to see something a bit more stable when it comes to income. I don't want to have my credit checked and loan denied. That doesn't look good on credit.

I have a LOT to think, pray, ponder, pray, deliberated and then pray about it. Any input would be appreciated. :)

On a couple side notes:

I love my family. My husband is the best thing I could have ever dreamt of. He is my sweetheart, best friend...the one I want to be with 24/7. He truly is the one that completes me and makes me want to be better. I LOVE my girls. I am so grateful for them and the blessing they are in my life. Katy is so kind, sweet and thoughtful. Lyse is a constant hoot. I am truly a blessed woman!

As for nutrition - umm full time KILLED me this week. I am up a total of 3 lbs. I know, I know...3 flippin' pounds. What you don't realize is how fast that can get out of control. I FEEL those 3 lbs and my pants don't fit as comfortable as they had. I know some of it is water weight cause I can feel the retention and I know I haven't been that good about drinking my full water the past few days. The other is stress eating. I gotta get that under control. The last is exercise. I am sitting in a chair for 7 1/2 hours a day and then not going to the gym cause I am plain tuckered out. That can't be the case either. *sigh* Wish me luck! I am hoping this will help keep me accountable!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Too tired to blog

Holy moly 40 hours a week is exhausting.

That is all I have energy to say!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Chugging along...

Well it is 11 pm and I am still awake (even with having a 6 am wake up call).

I know shocking that I have lots going on and sleep is coming in last.

I have so many decision that need to be made and it seems like they are all NOW decisions. Shift bids, car purchases, vacations. All are decisions that have to be made in a couple days. On top of that I have all the training from work swimming around in my mind.

I think my brain is going to explode.

Do I elect benefits or hope Ben gets good benefits at his new job?

Can we get by without purchasing a car? If not, what kind do we get and what do we look for truck, car, clunker, something that will last?

A Disney vacation has been promised. I am working on delivering but with Ben's new job starting I have about 1 week opening to figure it all out and hope flights stay good. Wish me a LOT of luck with this one!

Work is going great. I really will love this job and I know I love the company. I am looking into all the departments and trying to figure out where I want to end up. I need to figure out what department I want to be in over the next couple months so I can start applying once able (which means I need to also add Shadowing into my schedule).

Tonight I am exhausted and I have a huge day again tomorrow. I have a huge day for every week day for 18 more work days.

I am soooo grateful I get to go part time and work from home. It will feel like a cake walk after working full time away from home! Tonight I feel a little disheartened. I know and can see all our blessings and I am soooo grateful for them all but I can see what I want, what I have promised and what I am working towards. I also mourn what has been lost. Not sure if I will ever stop mourning to some extent. The thing is if I had my status of full-time stay at home mom back I would still mourn the loss of the benefits of my job (well unless we suddenly became independently wealthy and could afford to just travel at full price to all the places on our ever growing list). :)

I guess I shouldn't blog when tired cause it sounds whiny and inconsistent.

Life TRULY HONESTLY is great right now and I have been blessed more than I can ever express. I just keep moving forward with a hope and faith that I am on the right path and praying hard that I will be guided and directed in each step.

Oh as for nutrition update - diet not so great, exercise even worse, weight 135.8 No more almond filled hersheys for me...and a couple more days at the gym would be good!

Friday, October 15, 2010

My own Bach No. 5

I have known it but now it is even a stronger feeling in my heart. PRAYERS ARE HEARD AND ANSWERED!

I will yell, scream, shout, exclaim, etc. that from the roof tops.

I KNOW that our Father in Heaven orchestrated all of this! He is the most amazing conductor ever and it always falls together perfectly when I allow Him in. Sometimes (ok a lot of times) along the way I have wondered where we would end in this symphony of I can hear a part of the beautiful music for this section and realize how much more beautiful it has been made by putting in the lows along with the highs. Every great symphony has a depression so that you can experience the highs with more enjoyment.

Ben and I have had a good feeling for a while about this particular job but it has been a process! He was told in the interview the reason they called him in was because he showed initiative in creating our company.

Each and every step and thing we have done and been inspired to do over the last 10 months has lead us to this point...Ben getting a job! This job!

Yep I said it...Ben got a job!

Not only did he get a job, he got a job with an excellent company that is large in the logistics industry. He got the job he wanted with this company as well. The pay will be good.

Want to know something even more amazing and fantastic?!?! I know you do...

I have been TOTALLY stressing him starting this job the day after I started my training. Don't have that stress now. They want him to start in November (when I am finished with my training and should be back in the home). Our car situation, our training schedules...pretty much all the aspects have fallen together in a very cohesive manner.

I could NOT have written this part of the Symphony....this is the work of our Father in Heaven. Tonight I have IMMENSE love, appreciation and a heart completely full.

I am truly a blessed woman!!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I survived!

So far I don't have much to say other than I survived my first days back to work since having Katy 8 1/2 years ago.

The second day was harder than the first. Missed my kiddos like crazy. I have managed to forge off tears but not sure if that will happen Monday.

Monday I am headed into the center to work while my kiddos will be home finishing up their UEA break. I have NEVER left my kids on a day they are home so this will be even more new territory.

Tonight I got home from work at 2:40, we headed out the door to Costco. When we finished up Costco, we headed to the gym. From the gym we went to the store. At 6:00 we finally got home. I crashed on the couch because I literally had not sat down since leaving work. Ben made dinner as I vegged on the couch thinking, "Working full time is EXHAUSTING!!!" Being a stay at home mom, at least I am up and around busy so when I am tired at the end of the day I can name a reason why! The past 2 days I have just spent the day in a chair listening to people and getting up to do an stretch of the legs here and there or bathroom break. Last night I fell asleep at 8:30! It is currently 8:30 and I am contemplating bed now. The fact that I was up at 5:50 might have something to do with that too!

Tonight as I checked emails and facebook I was overcome with emotions and started to cry. What caused it?!?! My friend posted a picture of her and her children and the fun activity they had during the day today. Oh how I wish I could go back to being a stay at home mom but I also know that isn't going to happen for quite some time.

The night before I started I wanted a blessing. In that blessing I was told to enjoy and work on progressing in the company. In that moment I knew. I knew my life as a full-time stay at home mom was over for now. I have been fighting it..saying I AM moving back to being stay at home full time. Deep down I questioned it. Now I know I will have a career to juggle along with my children. A little piece of my heart is forever broken.

As for health updates. I am going to start putting these in all that I can. I am afraid that if I don't keep myself accountable and writing it all down I will let myself go. I don't want that so bear with me on the boring stuff.

This morning the Wii fit told me I weighed 134.8 with a BMI of 21.6. I have made it to the gym most days but I did slack on going my first day at work. From here on out, I don't get that luxury! Gym is not an option. My body needs the exercise. My tentative plan is at least 4 days a week I have to get gym time in.

I ran the fastest mile I have ran in ages. It is pathetic to say it was a 12:35 minute mile....but that is what it was. I ran at 5.2 miles/hour for 5 minutes straight and 5.4 for 1 more additional minute. I also ran at 6 for 1 minute. I am working on running faster and for longer periods of time. About a week ago I decided I would like running. Since then each trip to the gym has entailed me getting my butt on a treadmill and running. In the 4 times I have been to the gym (yes it has been 6 days and I have only been to the gym 4 times...but there was a Sunday in there) I have managed to take my mile from 15 minutes 40 seconds down to 12 minutes 35 seconds. No I didn't push myself too hard that first day. Honestly to bring my mile down from where it is at, it will take more work. In the beginning it was my lungs that felt like they were bursting with fire. Now I feel it in my muscles (especially leg muscles) too! Today when I finished...I felt it!

I think I can say I am starting to like running. There are things I am enjoying more. Whether I learn to love it or not, I know that I am going to be able to DO it. A 5k and most likely a 10k are both in the near future (maybe a Turkey Day Run will come my way)!! :)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

At Odds with myself

I am in a funk.

I want to type but I don't know what I am going to type.

I am depressed and happy.

I am overwhelmed and feel like I can handle it all at the same time.

I am mentally exhausted while wanting to add more cause I need some pushing.

I am physically stronger than I have been in a LONG time but I am also weaker than I have been in years.

I am excited for my new job and I hate it at the same time.

I think of my work schedule and I think, "That isn't bad" then I think of not having that time with my kids and want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I LOVE and look forward to being in church and uplifted while I also feel the dread of being there.

I want to get up at 5:00 am every morning while I also want to stay in bed until 10:00 or possibly never leave bed.

I have a spotless house and 20 minutes later it is a disaster.

I am a swirling vortex of confusion. I told ya I am in a funk.

Everyone has those times in life and this happens to be one of mine. One thing I know for sure is I am grateful for the gospel and my testimony. Even with the feeling of being torn in different directions that is one thing that holds steadfast...doesn't change. I am always grateful for a prophet. I am always grateful for my eternal family. I am always grateful for my Savior and the love I feel from him. I may not always show that gratitude (something I need to work harder on) but it is something I feel!

Peace is something I am striving for in my life right now. I feel peaceful but then I stress and worry and it is gone. I can feel and see how Satan destroys peace in our lives...many times he just adds a little doubt. Peace is a LOT easier to find and keep with faith and nigh impossible with even a little doubt. For a worrier like myself, that is hard!

Don't worry, I will work through this funk...I just feel bad that my blog has been such a downer lately...not a lot of fun. I will find it again - I guess I just need to go for a nice, LONG hike in my beautifully colored mountains! That ALWAYS helps!!

Oh and a HUGE awesome thing for this house - On Friday the girls both WON in reflections...they are moving on to the next level, Regionals! YAY Katy and Lyse! I am super proud of both of them. As soon as I get copies from my mom, I will post up the fun pictures!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Is the grass truly greener?

***I need to note in this - Ben in no way, shape or form has made me feel this way or said anything to me about it or done something to imply that he feels the way I did...this is just my feelings on it all after having fought and struggled with this nasty, horrid battle***

Ben has been working on being good with his foods and working on weight loss. I have been down this road (obviously). It is NOT an easy endeavor to take, especially if the spouse is not on board and working with you. Since I feel that way, I decided that I will help and support Ben.

In this time, I have lost 14 lbs helping Ben loose his 10. I am now at a loss on how to help. I want to be supportive and eat how he is eating and watch my calories. That is NEVER bad for anyone. I am pretty sure me eating lots of apples, bananas, strawberries and other fresh fruit along with spinach, lettuce and other veggies would be something any and every doctor would love to hear! I do also know that I don't NEED to loose more weight. My body doesn't need to have "just a salad" with some chicken on it for lunch. I need to have a good deal of protein and I can afford to have some whole wheat bread here and there but when I do that I feel guilty.

I feel guilty when I can have a little indulgence of a few more carbs because I burned off 400 calories in that 30 minutes at the gym (not even necessarily sweets, just whole wheat bread or Costco "Storederves"...kinda like h'ourderves but free from the store). I know how it feels to NOT get that extra food or have to give it up when others around you are able to partake. To put it plain and simply SUCKS!! When I was a 300 lbs woman struggling to loose some weight it was devastating and frustrating watching those around me be able to eat a LOT more than I could and still loose weight or at least maintain their good body weight.

It is heart breaking to try and support but your body doesn't need that intense of regime. You aren't trying to not support by eating some food but you also know that you need to eat more. I have been eating 1400-1500 calories and going to the gym to burn off about 400 calories. I seriously have lost 14 lbs since my hospital ballooning up. I am currently the lowest I have been since I was 17. I have been ignoring my bodies hunger pains because I wanted to support; however, I am not sure I can keep doing that. I also do NOT want to get in the habit of sneaking or hiding food for Ben not to see. That is NOT a good thing. I don't wanna be 300 lbs ever again...heck I don't wanna be 200 lbs ever again!!!

Ben has been eating about 1200 calories and working much harder at the gym. We walk out and I look at him and think...I soooo should have worked harder! It makes me mad that I have lost more weight than him. It makes me hurt. I know that feeling. I know how it makes you feel down trodden and depressed. I don't want to make him feel that way, I want to be his support. I want to be his person he can lean on and depend on.

I am now finding myself on the other side of the fence and it ain't any greener. In some ways it feels worse. What if he decides to give up because he doesn't feel supported? What if he gives up because he gets discouraged? Yes it would be him giving up but I have done that before. I gave up many times because I watched him being able to break the rules and still loose. It IS discouraging.

Ben -- I LOVE YOU!!! I know you want this and I have watched you not give up to this point. This is me formally and publicly asking - PLEASE oh PLEASE don't give up on what you want! I KNOW it is hard. I know it is a struggle. I also know it is what you truly want. I will help any and every way I can. Please also know that I have to eat more calories! I can't drop another 14 lbs!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Change is in the air...every time I look around! :)

We have so much going on right now. Fall always reminds me of change cause you have the visual reference of change all around with the red, orange, pink and yellow foliage. This year Autumn has even more is life changes happening in this house!

This is the schedule I have for the next few days:

  • Field Trip with Katy and the 3rd Grade to "This is the Place Heritage Park".
  • Ben has a final interview with a company...he might have a job!!! (Scared to even put this in here that I might have jinxed it but I feel good about it and I figure I will write about it whether he gets it or not cause if he gets it - ECSTATIC and if not DEVASTATION!)
  • Dental Appointment for the girls to get cavities fixed
  • Dance for both the girls
  • Gym appointment for the girls and us
  • The girls BOTH won in reflections! We were notified of it today but don't know what they won and they won't even know they won until Friday. I am soooo excited for them. They will be THRILLED!!! We have an assembly at 10:00 that we need to go to see them get their awards.
  • Date night for Ben and I - we need it right now!
  • My awesome new nephew is having his blessing day. I have to make 3 dozen rolls.
  • A hike to see the awesome fall colors!
  • I have sharing time.
  • Nothing is planned for right now and I am trying to keep it that way because I start work the next day!
  • Family Home Evening
  • jetBlue orientation from 7:00-4:00
  • Picture day at the school for the girls
  • jetBlue orientation from 7:00 - 2:30

  • No school for Katy and Lyse
  • Have my niece and nephew for the day
  • Katy has doctors appointment
  • No plans for now...something family friendly is going to happen!! Had planned Idaho but we can't do it cause we have other plans on Thursday and Saturday. Might try but not sure it will work!

  • Baby shower for my sister in law
  • My sister's 20th Birthday!!!
  • Church

  • Start training at jetBlue at 7:30 am
  • Kids still out of school for UEA

  • Very Probable that Ben starts his new job
  • Me training at jetBlue

I know not every day in there is booked but there is a LOT of change. I like all the change but it is all BIG changes as well as some fun activities and such! Pray for me and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray even harder for Ben and this job!! Did I say please enough cause if not I could add a few more! :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

It's all in the Jeans

One week after leaving the ER, I am now back down to only having to loose the 2 lbs again - WAHOO! I am super excited to have that weight off...I could feel it when I put on jeans. It wasn't a happy feelings.

Since we have been serious about working out at the gym, I really want to gain muscle but not weight. I couldn't figure out how I was going to do that. As I was reading the health section of MSN I came across an article that I LOVED! It said you shouldn't pay attention to scale numbers but rather how your jeans and clothes feel on you. I am now trying to do that. My skinny jeans need to feel nice on me.

Maintaining weight is HARD. Your body is in constant flux (especially a woman's body and her cycle). I guess right now I am just learning the maintenance stage. I need to get my body to like this area as its plateau so I am not constantly battling it. Caloric intake is hard to decipher. Yesterday I ate about 1400 calories which is the amount they say I should be eating to maintain my weight at 139. I went to bed with my stomach GROWLING from hunger!

I honestly am a bit lost now. I am working out each day so should I count the calories burnt as calories I can then add into my diet?

This has definitely raised my desire to get my degree to be a Dietician - that way I would KNOW these answers and I could also help others to know this. I need to do some research but even with starting jetBlue, I am seriously contemplating which school I should go to and how long it would take me to get my degree in nutrition.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Health Updates

Today I was supposed to have an endoscopy to check out my tummy. Well yesterday for the first time in quite some time, my stomach was back to feeling just fine. I did what any normal person would do - I canceled the procedure. Why pay $150 (that I don't have I might add) when I am feeling fine? As the doctor said, later this week I may be calling them up and going in anyway but for today I am not!

I gained 2 lbs and was working on those 2 lbs when I gained about 5 1/2 pounds at the ER last Monday. Since then I have managed to only loose 2 lbs. I still have 5 1/2 pounds to loose and I am NOT happy about this. I have realized I need to be more careful of what I allow in my mouth. I have felt very bloated as of late so I am doing exercising and eating the foods to help with that as well. You don't realize how much 5 lbs makes as a difference until you FEEL those 5 lbs on you! Seriously - I feel so FAT and uncomfortable with just 5 lbs. I guess this is the beginning of "welcome to the life of maintaining and making your weight work". I now get to do this for the rest of my life!

Ben is doing AWESOME with his diet regime. He has been great about getting exercise and eating properly. He made a goal last week to loose 10 lbs this week. He has worked his BUTT off to get there. He started that goal on is Monday and he has now lost 4.5 lbs! I totally thought that he had set WAY to lofty of a goal but I am now starting to think that he will actually make it! He deserves to make it...he has kept his caloric intake under 1400 every day and he is working out every day and burning at least 400 in each work out then once home he is finding excuses to run up the stairs or out to the storage shed. I am LOVING all the momentum and things getting done as he is trying to make his goal.

Katy and Lyse are great and wonderful as those girls!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

We Thank Thee Oh God For A Prophet

I just wanted to add - I thank Thee oh God for a Prophet - and his apostles and all the rest.

I am so grateful for Conference weekend and having my Spiritual Cup filled (and over flowing).

I have so many favorite talks.

Elder Jeffery R. Holland's talk from Saturday morning had me in tears and answered my prayers! When he said with that in this economic tough times, moms are making sacrifices and he knew it wasn't easy. I burst into tears as I knew my situation was one he was speaking about.

Going to work is difficult. We have been asked and admonished to stay at home with our children by our Prophets. We have also been commanded to take care of the basic needs of our families. Sometimes that means a mom has to go to work. I do NOT want to work forever. I hope and pray we don't get "used to" the money. I want to go back to following the counsel of being a stay at home mom.

I have people (specifically my parents) telling me all the time it is good and my time as a stay at home mom is probably over forever. It hurts when I am told by my parents it is good. I feel like they don't want me to stay home (they have put me down over and over through the years for being a stay at home mom and have constantly urged me to get a job). Why aren't they urging and SUPPORTING me as being a stay at home mom instead of trying to get me out of the home?

I feel like they are saying it serves me right to have to go to work. I have NEVER tried to be "I am better than you because I am at home and those around me have to work". I HAVE had to make sacrifices but they have been made by choice to keep me home. I feel bad if I somehow made them feel I was better because I stayed home and my mom worked. I never intended that. My mom and dad are always saying the kids were never hurt by my mom working, that it was good for my mom to work. My parents would get mad at me for saying staying at home for at least me as a mom is a very important thing. I have been told over and over that we were never hurt by my mom working, probably just helped more. I know our situation wasn't bad but I also know I have seen my mom state how she wished she could just be home with her kids and grandkids. I know my kids won't be hurt horribly but I also know that sacrifices of mom's time WILL have to be given on there part!

It hurts that my parents are so excited for me to have a job and think it is such a good thing. I know they are excited for their flight benefits but can't they see overall this is not the perfect situation for our children? Anytime a mom has to leave the home to go to work and not be there 100% of the time for her children is a sad thing. I have heard them say it is sad for my other siblings - so why is it not sad for me? How is it ever good for me to have to leave my children and not be there for them 100% of the time?

This situation has really bothered me and hurts. When I heard a current Apostle of the Lord say we need to make decisions to care for and help our children. By providing for our children we are NOT going against the word of the Lord, I felt like Heavenly Father had inspired Elder Holland specifically for me. I was able to put aside the hurt from my parents urging me to work for years and the "I told you so" situation and just see that Heavenly Father is the one leading and guiding me here. In the end, as long as I am doing what Heavenly Father asks or wants then I will be successful as a mom.

Elder Holland's talk opened up a lot of hard things for me and healed my heart and soul.

President Deiter F. Uchtdorf's talk Saturday morning had me laughing as well as Spiritually uplifted. I loved how he said we need to slow down life. Not only enjoy the journey but remember when times get tough we need to slow down and go back to simple basics.

President Henry B. Eyring from Sunday morning conference touched my heart. I do not recall 1 specifically thing he said that stood out to me. I DO recall the feeling I had. I was touched throughout his entire talk. At the end of his talk my thought was, "Be more grateful, be more caring, try harder to love all".

Last and of course NEVER last our Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. Telling us to be there for others, to show our love for that person. Be kind. Young Men need to prepare for a mission and should go on missions. Make good decisions.

I want to be a better person. I want to serve those around me more. I want to be more faithful 100% of the time...because if it is harder to do it just 98% of the time (that was said during the priesthood session and I agree).

Reading Scriptures and having prayer daily as a family has been mentioned in EVERY session. I once again feel strongly that Weekly Family Home Evening, DAILY Family Scripture Study and Prayer are fundamental foundations for raising my children in the gospel. I am trying hard to do these things. We have been doing pretty good overall. I do worry what will happen once I start jetBlue we will fall out of the habit. I will be working nights and different times which will make it a lot harder to continue in our family nightly rituals; however, I hope and pray that our family habits that we have established will just take over. It is far easier to get rid of good habits than make them. I am going to fight and battle with all my might to keep these and do them for the rest of my life!!!

Parenthood and raising children correctly in the gospel, Missionary Work, Following the Prophet, Humility and not being prideful, Listening to the Spirit, Faith, Gratitude, Inviting the Holy Ghost into our daily lives, loving and serving all around us - these are basic principles I have heard in every session.

I am grateful for the gospel and getting to learn and grow from listening to our modern day "scripture". I LOVE the Spirit it brings into not only my life but my Home. I have loved watching my children enjoy and learn from the talks given.