Sunday, October 10, 2010

At Odds with myself

I am in a funk.

I want to type but I don't know what I am going to type.

I am depressed and happy.

I am overwhelmed and feel like I can handle it all at the same time.

I am mentally exhausted while wanting to add more cause I need some pushing.

I am physically stronger than I have been in a LONG time but I am also weaker than I have been in years.

I am excited for my new job and I hate it at the same time.

I think of my work schedule and I think, "That isn't bad" then I think of not having that time with my kids and want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I LOVE and look forward to being in church and uplifted while I also feel the dread of being there.

I want to get up at 5:00 am every morning while I also want to stay in bed until 10:00 or possibly never leave bed.

I have a spotless house and 20 minutes later it is a disaster.

I am a swirling vortex of confusion. I told ya I am in a funk.

Everyone has those times in life and this happens to be one of mine. One thing I know for sure is I am grateful for the gospel and my testimony. Even with the feeling of being torn in different directions that is one thing that holds steadfast...doesn't change. I am always grateful for a prophet. I am always grateful for my eternal family. I am always grateful for my Savior and the love I feel from him. I may not always show that gratitude (something I need to work harder on) but it is something I feel!

Peace is something I am striving for in my life right now. I feel peaceful but then I stress and worry and it is gone. I can feel and see how Satan destroys peace in our lives...many times he just adds a little doubt. Peace is a LOT easier to find and keep with faith and nigh impossible with even a little doubt. For a worrier like myself, that is hard!

Don't worry, I will work through this funk...I just feel bad that my blog has been such a downer lately...not a lot of fun. I will find it again - I guess I just need to go for a nice, LONG hike in my beautifully colored mountains! That ALWAYS helps!!

Oh and a HUGE awesome thing for this house - On Friday the girls both WON in reflections...they are moving on to the next level, Regionals! YAY Katy and Lyse! I am super proud of both of them. As soon as I get copies from my mom, I will post up the fun pictures!

1 comment:

  1. Yay for Katy and Lyse!!

    Good luck on the job :) And, seriously, if you want me to come do the girls' hair, I will!!