Sunday, January 26, 2014

Musical Soul

I could not end today without writing.

My heart is full.  My eyes have cried many, many tears.  I feel so Spiritually blessed and fed today.

I woke up in a FOUL mood.  If I was a grumpy cat meme - this would have been me:

Sensing my mood, the family all allowed me space to pound out my feelings on the nice keyboard of our piano

After some pounding, the keys started to work together and sound more like music than a hysteria of emotional cacophony spewed onto the keys.  I felt more at peace.  Then Lyse started in about this or that, I got up from the piano and saw that each thing I had asked her to do was NOT done and once again
It wasn't pretty!

After a wise hubby calming put out the fire, I melted.  It seems like I have been running as fast as I can in this world and just fall further and further behind.  I have felt like a complete failure as a mother, a wife, a disciple of Christ, an employee...every aspect.  My world has involved work, tears, sleep, tears, mothering, get the picture - lots and lots and LOTS of tears.

So we left for church.  I have REALLY struggled with my new calling.  I struggle getting up in front of all those people and guiding them in music.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE picking the songs each week.  That is the highlight of my calling.  The actually leading and conducting - um not so much!  Last week, as I was picking the music, Ben mentioned we never sang his favorite songs.  With that being said, and after saying a prayer and feeling it still appropriate, the opening and closing songs were both songs out of Ben's favorites (hey he knows people!)

As church progressed, that emotional feeling I had while pouring my heart and soul out onto the keyboard, kept purging from my eyes.  I KNEW this week we would have a practice hymn.  The practice hymn I had chosen was, "Armies of Helaman".  I KNEW I would not make it through it without tears.  I was right.  So not only was I conducting and up in front of people (both strong struggles), I was also now crying up in front of people.  I mentioned before the song the reason for picking it was for my family that was not currently members of the church.  Specifically, I kept thinking of my Tayler.  Oh how I love that kind, gentle, loving soul!  As we sang the song, WOW!  The Spirit was so strong as I listened to adults, youth and children sing.  I secretly think this is one of the all time favorite primary hymns.  I felt the power of music in my life.  My life has been so richly blessed by music I can't even beginning to explain or share.  The song, "Armies of Helaman" always reminds me of my drive to Vegas in the car with my sister Shay when I was 19.  It was in that time that I KNEW the church was true.  I KNEW that the Armies of Helaman, the Lord's Missionaries were spreading the gospel to all the world.  

When President Monson changed the age of missionaries, once again, I thought of the song and the words, "We hear the words, our prophet declares, let each who's worthy go forth and share".  It sent chills down my spine and I knew I was not only part of the Army of Helaman, but I was raising daughters and I had the divine power given to me to teach them to be part of the Lord's Missionaries.  Today as I sang that song with my ward, I knew our ward was part of the Army of God.  

When church ended we went to my parents house and the entire family met.  Before dinner prayer, my mom had an announcement.  Tayler had my mom announce she was being baptized!  Prayers that have been prayed for years and years have been answered.  The Lord's missionaries have found part of the lost sheep, people in my own family, and they help her come to his fold.  Oh the joy and tears!!!  The words to the song came to my mind again and I once again had my testimony strengthened.

Tonight, we went to Young Women's New Beginnings.  Katy will start Young Women's this year.  I know she is getting older and building her own testimony but it was crazy for me to now think that she was going into young womens.  I am old enough to have a daughter in Young Women's.  The songs picked out tonight were beautiful and Christ centered.  As the picture of my little girl was shown up there, her looking all grown up it hit me again - the Lord's missionaries to bring the world His truth.  There were over 40 girls on the stand singing "Come unto Jesus" and 10 girls (my Katy included) in the audience entering young women's this year.  The Lord's Army is strong, valiant men and women!  They are here.  They are our children!  The song that many years ago brought tears to my eyes while driving from the canyon from St. George to Las Vegas was no longer a song about boys off serving missions in far away lands but rather is the young men and woman, boys and girls, brothers and sisters in the gospel that unite together to share the Lord's work and glory.

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life.  I am grateful for my children that help teach me daily.  I am grateful for a merciful, kind, loving Heavenly Father that sends me tender mercies and Spiritual blessings in my biggest times of need.  I am excited for the new adventures Katy will undertake this year.  Young Womens, Girls camp, activity nights.  I am excited for the Personal Progress.  I am thrilled that they have encouraged me as a mother to do the program with her and grow and learn Spiritually alongside my daughter.