Monday, March 8, 2010

Negative thoughts about how I just suck and my life is in shambles and I just can't do know the normal "mom guilt" adding "YOU SUCK!"

Today is one of those days I want to just die to get away from it all. Even climbing back in bed and pulling the covers over my head isn't enough today.

I am sad. I am angry. I am tired of always trying to help others and it not being recognized. I am tired of showing love and then being told I don't show love. I am tired of trying my hardest to do what is right only to have it slap me in the face and say, "YOU SUCK".

I want to bake, cook and finish projects all at once but I am too depressed to do any of it. I want to shower but don't want to put in the effort to go up the stairs.

I feel so desperately alone in this world and it is not a very nice world to be alone in!

Unemployment sucks. I should actually phrase that like this, "Unemployment in and of itself doesn't suck as long as you have the money to sustain yourself, i.e. a trust fund baby. Unemployment for those that were already struggling each month to survive is a whole different story. Unemployment when you find out about bills makes your heart wrench. Unemployment destroys self esteems. Unemployment changes people, makes them more negative, more cynical, more aggressive, more mean. Unemployment makes life harder to live, a struggle. Unemployment can destroy lives, marriages and families."

Yes I know all those things are choices. I know that no one has to be a jerk just cause they lost their job. I know that no one has to be negative or cynical even in the worst of circumstances. However, as time drags on in the unemployment world, it is easy to become those things. I hate that unemployment changes people I love and makes them sad, angry, depressed and all things negative. I am trying so hard to fill my life with positives only to have the negatives thrown in my face like a monkey throws feces. No I am not just talking about my husband or myself when I say all these things. Unemployment has affect the entire family.


  1. I'm so sorry Tauni! Yes, Unemployment does suck. I went for 6 months in 2009 without a job and it really does get to you emotionally. I'm sorry that you don't feel appreciated as well. I appreciate you! I know that doesn't mean much, but I really do!!! I wouldn't have survived the last month without you. I hope things start getting better for you!!

  2. I love you so much and I am so sorry that you are having a sucky-poo day! You are a giving and loving person that is worth so much~ I know that unemployment is wearing down your whole family. I wish I had a magic wand, really I would so wave it in your direction! Until that day I will just have to be your friend that loves you!!

  3. I hope that your situation gets better. As someone who knows unemployment AND depression and just generally not being able to support the family becuase of a lack of finances...I hear you. I totally hear you.