Faith

2 weeks ago I remember sitting and thinking, "wow it is nice to have so many things in the past and be moving forward in life."

A day later our cars oil sensor went out, followed by the dishwasher.  A couple days later I spent more time than I would have liked in the ER and in pain ever since.

Maybe that past isn't as far as I would have liked!

I had Ben give me a blessing.  I wanted so bad to hear I would be healed and my body whole yet I KNEW if he had said those words I would not have been able to believe and have faith cause in my gut I knew differently.

This is a trial that I am going to have to have strength to carry on physically and mentally (even when I don't think I can).  I know I will grow from it.

When i was set apart for my calling I was awed by how the bishopric (even though they had NO clue of my prior health issues) blessed me with health to fulfill my calling.  I sat there thinking, "The Lord speaks and people don't have to have prior knowledge to give a blessing as long as they are in tune".

When all this started my thoughts were, "I am ok cause I was blessed I could fulfill my calling".  So far, this has not interrupted my calling at all.  Even though I haven't had perfect health, I have still been able to fulfill my calling each Sunday.

I have such faith in the power of a priesthood blessing.  I KNOW that our Father in Heaven has the ability to do anything through the priesthood and faith.  Often I wonder if it is my lack of faith for the reasons I am here.  When all this started 18 months ago, I was promised I would be healed and not have further complications.

I wish that blessing had been recorded cause I am sure it said something like, "you won't experience further complications right now" but I just remember the won't experience further complications and remembering the relief I felt.  That blessing was given to me after the second stay in the hospital (the one with the bone marrow biopsy) not the first stay (with my intussusception).

I have faith.  I know my life can be happy and fulfilled, even if I am sick.  I think this trial is to teach me to be positive and happy even in tough times.  I am worried though.  How are we going to pay all these HUGE bills that are going to come our way?  Why couldn't I just be healthy?