I am trying to smile on the outside when all I feel is darkness on the inside. I am trying to be happy but I can see that their are cracks and it is breaking down.
I don't like being a working mom. I hate it. If I could quit today I would in a heart beat. I want to be home with my children, taking care of them. My job is NOT a bad one...it just isn't the one I truly want.
If I wasn't already struggling to make the mortgage payment this month I would SO just quit my job.
I miss my babies. I miss my family time. I miss my life and I don't like the new one that has replaced the old. I still have no money but I also don't have time with my children and husband and I have to rely on help from other to just survive. I Do.NOT.Like.This!!!
Yes I am down. Yes I am depressed. Yes all I want to do is cry.
Instead I am finishing this and get to go put on a chipper happy voice and say, "Welcome to Jetblue my name is Tauni how may I help you". I am great about not letting a soul on the phone ever suspect that 2 minutes before tears were in my eyes as I had to leave my little family to "figure it out" for whatever needs figured out so that I can go to work.
I loved being a stay at home mom and I mourn and truly miss no longer having it. For now I am going to duct tape up those cracks so no one will see the ugly darkness of how I truly feel inside.