Monday, October 17, 2011

1 year anniversary

So I was going to write this last week but me being on top of it and all, never got around to it.

Last week I celebrated my year anniversary with Jetblue.

It seems so odd to see where I am at right now vs. where I had planned on being.

Know what - I am happy! Even though my life plans and where my life is at are completely opposite, I am happy.

I heard a saying the other day and it has really stuck and I have thought about it several times. The saying goes, "People plan and God laughs".

It took me time to really have that saying sink in and think over it. After I allowed some thinking I decided I liked it. How many times in life have a planned for this, this, this and this only to find myself with that, that, that and that. I think that is the way we learn though.

If we really pushed and followed every one of our plans rather than listening to what our Father in Heaven wants for us, we would not be happy. I have known a few people who have done just that. Decided what they wanted was more important than following inspiration and guidance from our Father in Heaven. Their lives have been just where they wanted them to be but look back and regret what they didn't do instead.

I think sometimes I say, "I am going to do this" and Heavenly Father chuckles a little and says, "I know that is what you think you need but I am taking you here to show you what you really need". Sometimes it's a swift kick in that direction (usually I find that happens when I don't follow promptings and inspiration). Other times I find it is gentle nudgings to take a road I personally wouldn't have chosen but in the end it's the exact road I needed to be on.

In March I got super sick. I was hospitalized and they honestly believed that I had lymphoma. It was a very scary time. While I was in the hospital, I don't recall many things. I was so tired and on pain meds for much of the time. I slept a majority of the time away. That week in the hospital was supposed to be one of my first weeks back to work after the leave of absence (LOA) I took for my Intussusception. I recall very strongly getting the inspiration that I should NOT call and get the LOA extended and that I needed to call a co-worker and try to get help trading away my shift.

My wants at the time were the LOA and to go home and get more sleep. Instead, I phoned my wonderful co-worker and got amazing help getting work traded. I had a little stress worrying that I would be in the hospital and unable to work and be scheduled but I still followed.

Around this same time the position I wanted at Jetblue opened and I applied for it. The week after I got out of the hospital I was called to go to an interview for it. Had I taken a LOA, they would not have been able to interview me and I most likely would have missed out on that opportunity.

The crazy thing about it was that was just the beginning. Following the instruction to apply full time (when I wanted to not work at all much less increase my hours). All along the way I had gentle nudgings in the direction my Father in Heaven wanted.

In the end, I was offered the position the day before Ben was layed off. Insurance would not be an issue because we would be insured through my work. Money wasn't as big of an issue because I would be making $3/hour more and working full time. All those gentle nudgings helped my family be at least a little prepared for a great change in our family.

Now this is how this story ties to the saying I was talking about. See **I** was planning on Ben's job staying steady and within 5-6 months QUITTING and being a stay at home mom again. I remember even saying, "I just can't handle Ben loosing his job again and me being the sole provider for the family. I just can't do that!" Umm, that is the point I am sure in which Heavenly Father chuckled and said, "Let me show you what you really can do!".

At the time, I was mad. I was frustrated. It was really hard and honestly I did become bitter. I couldn't understand why my righteous desires were being thrusted in the other direction.

Today I am seeing a little more. I love my job and I really am happy there. Would I prefer to be a stay at home mom - yes...but who wouldn't? The fact is that it just isn't an option right now and my plans to go back to it and trying to force it just made me unhappy. Instead be grateful for what I have NOW and saying, "If and when we get the chance, I will quit but for now that is not the plan".

I also remember stating to my sister one day the plans that once again Ben and I had. **We** decided that it was better for Ben to work 2 jobs and me to stay home than him work 1 and me work 1. This summer and past several months Ben has worked 2 jobs. As we were talking, we have now changed our minds. As soon as we have the ability, Ben will quit his second job. Today we even talked about if I took on about 10 more hours each week, that should make up the difference of what he brings home minus gas and he can go down to just his 1 job. Once again, my priorities were changed and I am ok with it.

I look at Ben right now and even though he is miserable with little sleep and working 70 hours a week currently...he is happier right now at those jobs than he was at the one he was working late last year, early this year. He LOVES his one job. He has even told me he loves the second job and moving around if it weren't for his lack of family time and sleep due to it.

My eyes have been opened. I see more how my planning isn't always what is best for our family.

I am so grateful for the amazing blessing of my job. That I am in the department I am in and that I work with the wonderful people I work with. I seriously LOVE where I work and I am very happy with my work. Sometimes I get worn out because I over book my work hours and my days off I fill up with 2-4 hours of work but even then...I love my job. There is NO better job than just being a mom; however, since that isn't in the cards for me right now I am so grateful that Heavenly Father nudged me to a job and department in which I could be and would be happy.

So I have learned. Elder Cook from the Seventies talk about looking up really hit me hard this last General Conference. I will keep my head up. I will try to not make so many plans of my wants in life but I will still be making plans for the future (and hopefully Heavenly Father won't chuckle too much at those plans). I will embrace what has been given to me. I will find happiness in what I have. I can't let what has transpired this last 2 years drag me down anymore. I need to look up and smile because the even with the MULTIPLE hard trials over the last 2 years, I have been given so many tender mercies and blessings. I can't be doom and gloom otherwise that doesn't show gratitude to my Father in Heaven for helping guide my family on the path we NEED to be on (even if it's not the planned path). Some of the hardest movements forward are coming over the next few weeks/months but I go into them with Faith; knowing my Father in Heaven has led and guided Ben and I to where we are going (even though for a while I was kicking and screaming).

And to end this HUGE, LONG post of baring my soul (when really I was just starting out to say "Hey I made it a year!") here is a song that seems to lift my soul whenever it comes on the radio and reminds me again of what Heavenly Father was telling me via Carl B. Cook:

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