Monday, July 2, 2012

A Leap of Faith

Have you ever been super scared to do something?  I think taking that next scary step is  always a skip in the beat of your heart.  Makes you hold your breath some.

I have had these thoughts of what I should do and where I should move with my work.  I have always just had a job and lately I have gotten the feelings that I need to move it to a career.

My kids are my career.  I never wanted another one.  Yet here I sit contemplating if I am ready to move in the direction of career vs. job. 

The day the thought first came to my mind I was like, "hmm that is weird I have never contemplated going career why would this big of a step in moving that direction come to my mind".  Then I noticed over the few days it kept coming to my mind.  I would force it back because honestly, I love just being a mom.  That is all I wanted to ever do so moving into the business world with a career was not on my plate.  My goal in my job is to work long enough until I can just be a mom again.

Each time the thought came to mind, I would have a million reasons why I should NOT do it.  Each time I had an excuse.

The weird thing about it is I knew that feeling in my heart.  I knew that feeling in my soul.

  • Doctrine and Covenants 8:2

    2 Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.

This is exactly what has happened.  The thought comes to my mind.  I pray about it and it comes and fills my soul and I literally can feel the answer right before me.  Then I look at everything, the probability of getting the position, the fact that I would be leaving home, the fact that I would be moving to a career.  I would push it back and try to forget it.
Funny thing is, I couldn't forget it.  It kept coming to me.  The feeling comes again and it almost overpowers me. I know I can't just put this off and not do it, yet I still try.  It still keeps coming to me, hence the reason I am writing about it.  
We held a fast for Ben's career, that he could be inspired, that I could be inspired.  As I was praying once again this step (more like huge leap) came back to my mind.  As I prayed I once again was filled with the Holy Ghost.  I feel like in order for Ben's career to go where it needs to, I first must take this step.  Be patient with Ben's and forward moving with mine?
This was not the path I was planning.  
After discussing it in length with Ben for a VERY long time, I decided to talk to my girls.  We talked about it.  I told them how very much I love them.  We knelt in prayer and prayed together, just mother and daughters.  After the prayer was over and we were discussing it Lyse very matter of factly stated to me, "Mom you know that feeling you felt, that was the Holy Ghost and you have to listen to that feeling".  She was and is right.  I am so proud of my girl for recognizing the Spirit and KNOWING what she should do when she feels it.   Now as her mom I have to be an example of DOING when you are inspired.
Wow this is a BIG leap!! and I am terrified.  I am not sure that this particular position will be mine (although it feels right for this position); it's the overall direction I feel as though I am being led in.  After I prayed with the girls, I talked to Ben again.  When I prayed, I prayed that we would all have good feelings about this.  Each of the girls said it felt good  to them.  Ben without knowing I had prayed for that told me that it felt good, it felt right.  In my heart I know the same thing but I am scared to death.
I guess it's time to polish up that resume and those interviewing skills.  Time for me to take action on these feelings.  Wish me luck and please pray for me.  Pray for me to have the strength!

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