Monday, May 3, 2010

Aquaintance, Buddy, Chum

Friendship is an odd duck.

Some people that you have been friends with for years. They can walk out of your life forever simply by moving to a town 20 minutes away. Instead of talking daily, you never talk again or really have any contact with each other...the friendship was one of close proximity. I think this would be called an aquaintance.

Some people you don't even know in real life but you know them via blogs and internet sites. You feel as though the person is your best friend, but if you were to see them on the street you probably wouldn't recognize them. This I would call an internet comrad or bosom buddy.

Other friends come into your life. You are casual friend, yet good friends. When times are tough it seems as though this friend just magically appears. When they are struggling, you intuitively know and help them. You can live across the continent from this friend and it won't matter cause the minute you are together again you feel as though you have never been apart. This is a person I would name a "Lifetime Buddy".

A classmate friend I would classify as some people you know really well for a short time then you both move on...maybe with or without moving from your residence. It is a short-term and wonderful friendship while it lasts.

Some people you have known your entire life and they are more like a sibling than a friend. This I call a "pre-mortal existence or soul mate friendship".

Then there are the people that when growing up you know this person but never really associate. After High School graduation you each go your own ways only to be reunited years later and have an instant bonding friendship. I don't have a name for this one...maybe just "reunited and found friendship".

The worst is the people who pretend really well to be your friend when in reality they are just too nice to say they don't want to be your friend. The realization that you really aren't friends burns and hurts. This I would call a foe friend.

The last and oddest duck out of all friendships is the one where you both want to be friends but there is just something that doesn't click. You try and try to make the friendship work but you just really don't understand and "get" each other. This is truly the saddest of all friendships. I would think this would be like a "well-wisher friendship". You both wish each other well and wish you had a friendship but it just doesn't seem to be.

Why can't you just be friends? Why does the awkwardness always have to exist.

I currently have a friendship like this and it is tearing my heart out.

I want us to be great friends, our families to be able to hang out. I think that she feels the same way but when we do get together...families or alone it seems forced.


I honestly wish I knew the answer. I love her and think she is an amazing woman. I adore her talents and want to learn from her.

I find that I am often asking myself, "What am I doing that causes this awkwardness? Why can't we just hang out? Am I expecting too much in wanting a friendship with her? Is it not her nor I but in reality her husband that doesn't like me so she is keeping her distance? Am I imagining it all and she sees my hesitant behavior and feels like it is me that doesn't want the friendship?

Whatever the cause I am finding more and more we are in the same place and while I desire to go and say "hi", it feels like I would be forcing myself on her. I find this especially to be the case when her husband is around.

I invited them over to our home 4-5 times, each time receiving a "Let me talk to my husband" and a following, "I'm sorry we are ___________." I decided maybe they didn't want to be in our small place so I took the initiative to ask if they wanted to go out to a free exhibit or such, only to get the same response. That is when I wrote off the friendship figuring she didn't want more an an aquaintance.

Once I did that, she started to call and ask me to do things.

I am truly confused. I know she is amazing and I adore her. I want the friendship to work but it seems like if I serve her or try to be a friend I am just intruding. When she offers to serve me, I feel like I am forcing her to.

I wish I could read her better to know if I was better off walking away or keep trying. I want her friendship and I think she wants mine but I honestly don't know.

I have spent a lot of time thinking, pondering and praying about this. Honestly, I don't know the answer.

My heart hurts to loose the friendship and walk away...but I am thinking it might be time to just do that. We just might not mesh like I wish we could.

Friendship is odd or maybe it is me. Maybe I am just socially dis-functional.

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