Being an aunt is something I LOVE. I adore my nieces and nephews. Sometimes though I wonder about it all.
Being a fun aunt to some nieces and nephews is REALLY easy, to others not so much. I often wonder if that has to do with how much I feel I am accepted by that child's parents and how much the parents want me to be a part of the child's life. I think it has to do with the distance (whether literal or figurative).
I wish I could be the aunt "Teetee" to all the nieces and nephews but I KNOW I am not. I realized this the other day at my in-laws home. All the nieces and nephew that live here in Utah were there. They honestly did not know my name. That made me sad.
Yes there has been a falling out. Yes I could say a LOT more about it but I am trying to change and be better. Right now I am reflecting on me. I am sorry for the things I said. Although the relationships had a facade, there was at least a relationship.
I am not the horrible person they perceive me to be and I don't believe they aren't the horrible people I perceived them to be.
History is a tough cookie and one that can't be erased. I want to move forward and have a fresh start, a new outlook but I don't think that will ever happen. In the past I have said, I have forgiven but I haven't forgotten. It isn't only me that feels that way. I wish I could share this with them. This is a time that I wish the parents even read my blog, but they don't. I wish we could get together at family functions and not try and get out of there as quickly as possible with as few words as possible.
Yes I felt left out. Yes I felt unloved. Yes I was wrong.
So alas, I can never be that fun aunt with them. I can't take them for a day to play with me and my kids like I do others. I don't get those opportunities. That makes me sad.