Friday, June 11, 2010

All over the place

One of my biggest flaws is I can't say no, I am willing and WANTING to help any and all. I hear of a stranger that needs a twin size bed and I think, "Man I wish I had an extra or the money to go buy one because I would". Honestly, I would.

I LOVE to help. The problem is I think many times it makes those around me feel like I am "saving up" for a future favor.

I offer to help my friends and people I love WAY to much. I LOVE it!!! Seriously, when I offer help and a friend takes me up on makes my day! It makes me feel loved, that I am fulfilling the purpose I was sent here on earth.

I have some friends that I have offered the help to and I get weird looks or "no thanks" EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

This has me really thinking and struggling. Do they just not like me and don't want to admit it?

Today I was hurt sooooo badly by 2 of these friends. I don't think they can nor will ever know the pain they inflicted or the tears that have been cried over it today.

Tonight I am seriously contemplating these "friendships". I wonder if it is just me feeling the friendship.

I honestly don't know anymore. Normally I can read people pretty well but not now, not with this.

For now I will sit on my couch (soon to be snuggled in nice WARM flannel pj's) and moan away my sadness with some ice cream or maybe I will get some yummy warm rolls or something.

Ya...don't judge me! Even with gastric bypass I still have my comfort foods that just kinda help...I just eat a LOT less of them than I did before. Before I would have binged and eaten 5 cinnamon rolls. Now I will eat 1/4 of 1 slowly and get my comfort! I don't have money to shop it away and honestly I am too tired and lazy tonight to exercise it away!

My last thing - today the girls and I had a FABULOUS time with Becca (the Primary Pres. I serve under). She and her kids came with us up to "This is the Place Heritage Park". It was AMAZING! The kids LOVE LOVE LOVED it! The petting farm area with lambs and kids (baby goat not child) was the all time fave! Of course they liked the pigs, bunnies, sheep and goats as well. A close runner up was the children's play area that they were able to play in miniature homes, shops, barns, etc. The log home and rocker chair was their primary residence and rain guards. Honestly the only bad thing was the rain!!! Free ice cream cone made the day even in the rain was a hit! It was AMAZING, WONDERFUL and GREAT! It was even better having friends there to share it all with us! :)

Last but not least...Ben was given a load tonight but was unable to find a truck for that load. I am so disheartened....hence the OTHER reason for cinnamon roll or ice cream sob fest! :) It will get better I know it...just right now is hard. I am trying so hard to stay positive and I am SOOOO grateful for the sunshine in my gloomy day that I received from time with my girls and friends at "This is the Place Heritage Park" (even when though it was raining).

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