Friday, September 30, 2011


Right now as I type, my sister is at the funeral of her 14 year old nephew.

I am sitting on my couch thinking of the very painful sore on my chin that was also on my nose. Thinking how bad my life sucketh right now and honestly how I can't take anymore.

Then I thought of my poor sister.

Even then it still doesn't make me feel "better". Just makes me sorry that everything around me is falling apart.

I have been in tears on and off non-stop for the last week. Sometimes everything comes so strongly I feel like I can't breathe and I literally have my breath taken away from me for a few moments.

Yes I am aware those are panic attacks. They come on REALLY strong whenever I think of going ANYWHERE. They are causing me to be a hermit. These attacks have also contributed to the 12 lbs I have packed on. I think of going out and I think, "I am too fat" makes me want to climb back in my bed and stay there forever.

I need to do something about these attacks! I have been reading a lot of techniques of what to do when you have them. The problem is sometimes they just come out of no where and I am not in the mind set to control them and suddenly I am crying, frustrated and if I am in public, absolutely humiliated.

My poor sister is at a cemetery for a funeral for a 14 year old and I am struggling to even pick up the phone and talk to her due to panic attacks.

Yep...I'm a great sister :(

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