Kicked from the club

In different professions there are different "clubs". In almost all of those professions there is a "spouse club". The club that is the common ground for all the spouses that went through the ordeal of getting that profession, even though they weren't the ones training or getting the education.

Doctors wives (and husbands) have a bond because they went through med school. They lived the life and have a similar story. Same goes for Law school.

In the flight world, pilot wives stick together. They understand each other and the hardships the career can be on the family and marriage. Having the spouse gone all the time, missing important events, having to worry if they will be in the state when a baby is born, etc.

In the ATC world there was also a wives club. The club that I was a part of. I made friends that I cherished and was grateful to have. We had a common link...a job that our husband's had. A stressful job that required a lot.

When Ben lost his job, I lost my club. I don't think any of the friends I made through the process tried to shun me, it just happened.

Ben lost his club too. Friends that he spent a year with, struggling through classes with.

This loss has really been one of the hardest.

Loosing a job SUCKS. The loss of friendship because you lost the job that brought the friendship, that just hurts on a whole new level.

I don't get why Ben can't be friends with the guys that came to our house, ate dinner with us, played games with us. At the same time I DO know why. We had one guy over, just long enough to drop off stuff and you could TOTALLY see how uncomfortable he now was to be in our home. I wish it weren't so, it weren't true. The truth is: it is the way it is.

I am friends on Facebook with many people from Oklahoma and our time with the FAA. I am wanting to delete them but it makes me so sad to think about deleting them. There is NO reason I should be friends with some of them yet erasing them from Facebook makes it real, make that chapter really close. Some of these people I am not close friends with at all. Why am I holding on to them as facebook friends? It is torture to keep and feels like it will kill me to delete them.

I honestly think some would be relieved to not have me be a friend. They wouldn't have to see the "this could have been you" reminder. It is easier to have me not in the club at all but they feel the same way and don't want to be the ones that do the booting. I am the person in the room that no one wants there, including myself, but no one has the courage to say, "You really don't belong here anymore".

I don't want that chapter to close! I don't want to close the door on the friendship even though I know it is for the best. A friendship is no longer there, the club doors have been slammed in my face.

Even though I lived those events and went through hard times and similar experiences with those people, they no longer have an obligation to be my friend due to work. I still want to be their friends and I would hope they still want to be mine but I don't know. I do know that the awkwardness is dragging and painful.

I joined the club and now I have to leave. It hurts!!!