Tuesday, December 6, 2011


How do you sleep when totally exhausted but you are having such bad panic attacks its impossible to sit much less sleep.

I am struggling bad with anxiety. Have been all day.

On the plus side, I managed to make it through the day without too many tears.

I think I prefer tears over anxiety.

Today has been a day I am glad is over and I just hate grief. Dealing with this funeral, helping get everything organized and helping my sister...it's hard.

I hate the fact that my sister had to find a mortuary and go to it today.

I hate that we are finding beautiful pictures and putting them in a funeral montage.

I am just struggling.

I am very concerned for tomorrow. I have a work meeting. It's not just work, it's a meeting in the center. Other people. I have to control my emotions. I can't cry. I am not sure I will make it. So there it is - my anxiety for the most part is due to my work meeting tomorrow and my concern over keeping my emotions in check. I also have to make sure my kids are taken care of.

Katy is struggling a LOT right now. Lots of tears. Lots of heart ache.

Lyse is doing great. She struggles, she gets out papers and writes and colors. Many books for Darin have been made. She writes her feelings and love for him in each book. I truly think it is helping her a LOT! The other morning, she was coloring like crazy before school. I asked her what was going on and she said, "I woke up with this feeling and I just knew I needed to write this book. I need to do this!" She said it with such conviction, I KNOW it was the Spirit guiding and directing to help her through this. I am so grateful for the Spirit and the guidance we are given!

Katy doesn't do that. I have asked her to and she just doesn't want to. I am not really sure what to do for Katy to help her.

Lots is going on. Staying way to busy and get WAY WAY too little sleep!

My emotions are all over. Oh how I need heaven's help to continue.

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